Humorous Quotes On Life,Humorous Quotes:
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1."Reality is a hallucination brought on by lack of alcohol."
2. "Love makes the world go round? Not at all. Whiskey makes it go round twice as fast."
Compton Mackenzie
3."I guess a drag queen's like an oil painting: You gotta stand back from it to get the full effect."
Harvey Fierstein
4. "He's too nervous to kill himself. He wears his seat belt in a drive-in movie."
Neil Simon
5. "You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."
Dean Martin
6. "Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra."
Fran Lebowitz
7."Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love."
Woody Allen
8."Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath, and hope we've set aside enough money to pay for our kids' therapy."
Michelle Pfeiffer
9."How I see it is that men get one night of pleasure, and we get nine months of putting them through hell and getting away with it."
Sara Swank
10. "I occasionally get birthday cards from fans. But it's often the same message: They hope it's my last."
Al Forman (former MLB umpire)
11. "I wanted to kill the hottest person on Earth. Then I learned that there were laws against suicide."
Missy Fruchter
12."I believe in rules. Sure I do. If there weren't any rules, how could you break them?"
Leo Duracher
2. "Love makes the world go round? Not at all. Whiskey makes it go round twice as fast."
Compton Mackenzie
3."I guess a drag queen's like an oil painting: You gotta stand back from it to get the full effect."
Harvey Fierstein
4. "He's too nervous to kill himself. He wears his seat belt in a drive-in movie."
Neil Simon
5. "You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."
Dean Martin
6. "Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra."
Fran Lebowitz
7."Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love."
Woody Allen
8."Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath, and hope we've set aside enough money to pay for our kids' therapy."
Michelle Pfeiffer
9."How I see it is that men get one night of pleasure, and we get nine months of putting them through hell and getting away with it."
Sara Swank
10. "I occasionally get birthday cards from fans. But it's often the same message: They hope it's my last."
Al Forman (former MLB umpire)
11. "I wanted to kill the hottest person on Earth. Then I learned that there were laws against suicide."
Missy Fruchter
12."I believe in rules. Sure I do. If there weren't any rules, how could you break them?"
Leo Duracher
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