Funny Life Quotes | Funny Life Quotes And Sayings

 Funny Life Quotes | Funny Life Quotes And Sayings

Funny Life Quotes
1. Life... is like a grapefruit. It's orange and squishy, and has a few pips in it, and some folks have half a one for breakfast.  - Douglas Adams

2. Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. - Woody Allen

3. I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it. - Jack Handey

4. He who has a why to live can bear almost any how. - Friedrich Nietzsche

5. You fall out of your mother's womb, you crawl across open country under fire, and drop into your grave. - Quentin Crisp

Funny Life Quotes And Sayings
6. I think I've discovered the secret of life - you just hang around until you get used to it. Charles Schulz

7. I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it's not the answer. - Jim Carrey

8. Here is the test to find whether your mission on Earth is finished: if you're alive, it isn't. - Richard Bach

9. I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches. - Alice Roosevelt Longworth

10. The perfect normal person is rare in our civilization. - Karen Horney

11. Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh. - George Bernard Shaw

Leadership Quotes by Indians,Leadership Quotes by Mahatma Gandhi

Leadership Quotes by Mahatma Gandhi:

1. "Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will."

 
2. "I have nothing new to teach the world. Truth and Non-violence are as old as the hills. All I have done is to try experiments in both on as vast a scale as I could."

 
3. "The pursuit of truth does not permit violence on one's opponent."

 
4. "There is more to life than increasing its speed."

 
5. "Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever."

 
6. "Justice that love gives is a surrender, justice that law gives is a punishment."

 
7. "The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others."

 
8. "There is a higher court than courts of justice and that is the court of conscience. It supercedes all other courts."

 
9. "You can chain me, you can torture me, you can even destroy this body, but you will never imprison my mind."

 
10. "That service is the noblest which is rendered for its own sake."

Innovation Quotes by Steve Jobs,Famous Innovation Quotes by Steve Jobs

Famous Innovation Quotes by Steve Jobs
1. “An iPod, a phone, and an Internet communicator. An iPod, a phone … are you getting it? These are not three separate devices, this is one device, and we are calling it iPhone.”

2. “Quality is more important than quantity. One home run is much better than two doubles.”

3. “I think if you do something and it turns out pretty good, then you should go do something else wonderful, not dwell on it for too long. Just figure out what’s next.”

4. “We’re gambling on our vision, and we would rather do that than make “me, too”

5. "products. Let some other companies do that. For us, it’s always the next dream.”

6. “We’re not going to be the first to this party, but we’re going to be the best.”

7. “Innovation distinguishes between a leader and a follower.”

8. “I want to put a ding in the universe.”

Innovation Quotes by Steve Jobs
9. “We’re just enthusiastic about what we do.”

10. “You‘ve got to start with the customer experience and work back toward the technology – not the other way around.”

11. “Be a yardstick of quality. Some people aren’t used to an environment where excellence is expected.”

12. “We don’t get a chance to do that many things, and every one should be really excellent. Because this is our life. Life is brief, and then you die, you know? And we’ve all chosen to do this with our lives. So it better be damn good. It better be worth it.”

13. “People think focus means saying yes to the thing you’ve got to focus on. But that’s not what it means at all. It means saying no to the hundred other good ideas that there are. You have to pick carefully.”

14. “It’s really hard to design products by focus groups. A lot of times, people don’t know what they want until you show it to them.”

Famous Leadership Quotes From Steve Jobs,Leadership Lessons of Steve Jobs

Leadership Lessons of Steve Jobs:

1. “I was worth about over a million dollars when I was twenty-three and over ten million dollars when I was twenty-four, and over a hundred million dollars when I was twenty-five and it wasn’t that important because I never did it for the money.”

2. “Do you want to spend the rest of your life selling sugared water or do you want a chance to change the world?”

3. “I’m the only person I know that’s lost a quarter of a billion dollars in one year…. It’s very character-building.”

4. “Picasso had a saying: Good artists copy, great artists steal, and we have always been shameless about stealing great ideas.”

5. “It’s more fun to be a pirate than to join the navy.”

6. “We made the buttons on the screen look so good you’ll want to lick them.”

7. “The problem with the Internet startup craze isn’t that too many people are starting companies; it’s that too many people aren’t sticking with it.”

8. “Our belief was that if we kept putting great products in front of customers, they would continue to open their wallets.”

9. “If you are working on something exciting that you really care about, you don’t have to be pushed. The vision pulls you.”

10. “Design is a funny word. Some people think design means how it looks. But of course, if you dig deeper, it’s really how it works.”

Memorable Quotes,Memorable Quotes on Life

Memorable Quotes on Life:

Service to others is the rent you pay for your room here on earth. Quote by Muhammad Ali

Get your facts first and then you can distort them as much as you wish. Memorable Quote by Mark Twain.

Success in highest and noblest form calls for peace of mind and enjoyment and happiness which comes only to the man who has found the work he likes best. Memorable Quotes: Quote by Napoleon Hill.

A man sooner or later discovers that he is the master-gardener of his soul, the director of his life. Memorable Quote by James Allen

Any ideas, plan, or purpose may be placed in the mind through repetition of thought. Quote by Napoleon Hill

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away, and a sunny spirit takes their place. Memorable Quote by Mark Twain

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow. Quote by Mark Twain.

Dream lofty dreams, as you dream, so shall you become. Your vision is the promise of what you one day shall be: your ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil. Memorable Quotes: Quote by James Allen.

Create a definite plan for carrying out your desire and begin at once, whether you ready or not, to put this plan into action. Quote by Napoleon Hill.

Rivers, ponds, lakes and streams. They have different names but all contain water. Religions have different names, but all contain truth. Quote by Muhammad Ali

Bravery Quotes,Be Brave Quotes,Brave Quotes

Bravery Quotes:

Bravery is being the only one who knows you’re afraid. Bravery Quotes-Quote by Franklin Jones

We will never have all the facts to make a perfect judgment, but with the aid of basic experience we must leap bravely into the future. Bravery Quotes-Quote by Russell R. McIntyre

Nothing tangible in life was ever achieved without the bravery of one’s thoughts and actions. Quote by Edmond Mbiaka

We believe faith and freedom must be our guiding stars, for they show us truth, they make us brave, give us hope, and leave us wiser than we were. Brave Quotes-Quotes by Ronal Reagan

Brave men are all vertebrates; they have their softness on the surface and their toughness in the middle. Brave Quotes-Quote by Lord Byron

Ideas must work through the brains and the arms of good and brave, or they are no better than dreams. Be Brave Quotes-Quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson

The possibility of bravery dwelling in a negative mind is almost the same chance of the sun shining in the darkest of the night. It is absolutely very  impossible.  Quote by Edmond Mbiaka

I love the man that can smile in trouble, that can gather strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection. Be brave Quotes-Quote by Thomas Paine

Famous Inspirational Quotes and Sayings,Amezing Motitional Quotes

Famous Inspirational Quotes:

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle

We are what we think. Buddha

Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall. Confucius

Victory belongs to the most persevering. Napoleon Bonaparte

It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog.Mark Twain

It’s never too late to be what you might have been. George Eliot

We tend to get what we expect. Norman Vincent Peale

This world is but canvas to our imaginations. Henry David Thoreau

No-one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Eleanor Roosevelt

Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must first be overcome. Samuel Jackson

Every artist was first an amateur. Ralph Waldo Emerson

The power of imagination makes us infinite. John Muir

We become what we think about all day long. Ralph Waldo Emerson

Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. Helen Keller

Lord Buddha Quotes,Quotes by Lord Buddha,Buddha Quotes on Love andLife

Lord Buddha Quotes

1. Those who are free of resentful thoughts surely find peace.

2. Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth. Lord Buddha Quotes

3. To be idle is a short road to death and to be diligent is a way of life; foolish people are idle, wise people are diligent.

4. To enjoy good health, to bring true happiness to one’s family, to bring peace to all, one must first discipline and control one’s own mind. If a man can control his mind he can find the way to Enlightenment, and all wisdom and virtue will naturally come to him.

5. To live a pure unselfish life, one must count nothing as one’s own in the midst of abundance.

6. We are formed and molded by our thoughts. Those whose minds are shaped by selfless thoughts give joy when they speak or act. Joy follows them like a shadow that never leaves them.

7. We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves. Lord Buddha Quotes

Buddha Quotes on Love andLife

8. We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.

9. Whatever words we utter should be chosen with care for people will hear them and be influenced by them for good or ill.

10. When one has the feeling of dislike for evil, when one feels tranquil, one finds pleasure in listening to good teachings; when one has these feelings and appreciates them, one is free of fear.

11. Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others. Lord Buddha Quotes

12. You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.

13. You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger.

14. You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. Lord Buddha Quotes

Clever Quotes Sayings,Clever Quotes on Life,Love

Clever Quotes Sayings:

1. No man is clever enough to know all the evil he does. Clever Quotes-Quote by Francois

2. It is great cleverness to known when to conceal one’s cleverness. Clever Quote by Francois

3. The next best thing to being clever is being able to quote someone who is. Clever Quote by Mary Pettibone Poole

4. A clever, imagination, humorous request can open closed doors and closed minds. Clever Quotes-Quote by Percy Ross

5. Clever people master life; the wise illuminate it and create fresh difficulties. Clever Quotes-Quote by Emil Nolde

6. Education without values, as useful as it is, seems rather to make man a more clever devil. Clever Quote by C.S. Lewis

7. Find enough clever things to say, and you’re a Prime Minister; write them down and you’re a Shakespeare. Clever Quote by George Bernard Shaw

8. You can tell whether a man is clever by his answers. You can tell whether a man is wise by his questions. Clever Sayings-Quote by Naguib Mahfouz

9. It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog. Clever Sayings-Quote by Mark Twain

10. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow. Clever Quotes-Quote by Mark Twain

Amazing Quotes on Life,Amazing Questions,Amazing Quotes and Sayings

Amazing Quotes and Sayings:

1. We escape from mental slavery and start living freely again, the moment that we free our minds from the bondages of past regrets. Quote by Edmond Mbiaka

2. Man should forget his anger before he lies down to sleep. Amazing Quote by Mohandas Gandhi

3. Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. But anger is like fire. It burns it all clean. Amazing Quote by Maya Angelou

4. For every hour spent regretting about the past, is sixty minutes that could have been spent creating a plan for a brighter future. Quote by Edmond Mbiaka

5. For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness. Quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson

6. In times of great stress or adversity, it’s always best to keep busy, to plow your anger and your energy into something positive. Quote by Lee Iacocca

7. Your only obligation in any lifetime is to be true to. An Amazing Quote by Richard Bach

8. Outstanding leaders go out of their way to boost the self-esteem of their personnel. If people believe in themselves, it’s amazing what they can accomplish. Amazing Quotes-Quote by Sam Walton

9. The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live. Amazing Quotes-Quote by Flora Whittemore

10. The difference between school and life? In school, you’re taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you’re given a test that teaches you a lesson.  Amazing Quote by Tom Bodett

11. Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning. Amazing Quote by Albert Einstein

12. He lives the poetry that he cannot write. The others write the poetry that they dare not realize. Amazing Quote by Oscar Wilde

Opportunity Quotes,Quotations and Sayings, Opportunities Quotes

Opportunity Quotations and Sayings:

 1. "The right man is the one who seizes the moment.” Opportunities Quotes-Quote by Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

2. “The sagacious reader who is capable of reading between these lines what does not stand written in them, but is nevertheless implied, will be able to form some conception.” Opportunity Quotes-Quote by Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

3. Seize every opportunity along the way, for how sad it would be if the road you chose became the road not taken.   Quote by Robert Brault

4. The single common denominator of men and women who achieve great things is a sense of destiny.
Opportunity Quote by Brian Tracy

5. A pessimist is one who makes difficulties of his opportunities and an optimist is one who makes opportunities of his difficulties.  Opportunities Quotes-Quote by Harry Truman

6. “Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem more afraid of life than death.” Opportunity Quotes-Quote by James F. Byrnes

7. “You and I can never do a kindness too soon, for we never know how soon it will be too late.” Opportunity Quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson

8. Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.  Famous Opportunity Quote by Thomas Edison

9. Grasp your opportunities, no matter how poor your health; nothing is worse for your health than boredom.  Opportunity Quotes-Quote by Mignon McLaughlin

10. Some people call successful men, “lucky men,” but i call them men that never fail to seize opportunities when they come. Quote by Edmond Mbiaka

Nice Quotes on Life and Love

Nice Quotes on Life and Love:

1. “Reject hatred without hating.” — Mary Baker Eddy

2. “Remember, a real decision is measured by the fact that you’ve taken new action. If there’s no action, you haven’t truly decided.” — Anthony Robbins

3. “Restlessness and discontent are the first necessities of progress.” — Thomas A. Edison

4. “Rules are not necessarily sacred, principles are.” — Franklin Delano Roosevelt

5. “Satisfaction lies in the effort, not in the attainment. Full effort is full victory.” — Mohandas Gandhi

6. “Science may have found a cure for most evils; but is has found no remedy for the worst of them all – the apathy of human beings.” — Helen Keller Nice Quotes about Life|Nice Quotes and Sayings

7. “Self-confidence is the first requisite to great undertakings” — Samuel Johnson

8. “Self-managing is Job One. Have a vision and a mission. Surround yourself with talented people. Rely on effective coaching, not managing of employees.” — Tom Gegax

9. “Set the course of your lives by the three stars- sincerity, courage, unselfishness. From these flow a host of other virtues… He who follows them and does not seek success, will attain the highest type of success. that which lies in the esteem of those among whom he dwells. ” — Dr. Monroe E. Deutsch

10. “Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars.” — Les Brown

11. “Show me a thoroughly satisfied man and I will show you a failure.” — Thomas Alva Edison

12. “Simple kindness to one’s self and all that lives is the most powerful transformational force of all.” — David R. Hawkins

Positive Thinking Quotes,Thought, Quotes on Positive Thinking and Attitude

 Positive Thinking Quotes

1. Being positive or negative are habits of thoughts that have a very strong influence on life.

2. Positive and negative are directions. Which direction do you choose?

3. Positive thinking is expecting, talking and visualizing with certainty what you want to achieve, as an accomplished fact.

4. Riches, mediocrity and poverty begin in the mind.

5. Reality is the mirror of your thoughts. Choose well what you put in front of the mirror.

6. The mind is the decisive factor in your life, but who decides for the mind?

7. A positive attitude brings strength, energy and initiative.

Quotes on Positive Thinking and Attitude

8. To think negatively is like taking a weakening drug.

9. Positive thoughts are not enough. There have to be positive feelings and positive actions.

10. When you say, "I can't" and expect the worst, you become weak and unhappy.

11. Positive thinking and negative thinking are attitudes. They are points of view, and show the way people handle their affairs.

12. Suppose you stand at a crossroads, one way leads to a desert and the other one to lush meadows, which way do you choose?

13. Clear thoughts produce clear results.

14. Positive thinking evokes more energy, more initiative and more happiness.

Quotes about Truth and Honesty,Quotes On Truth and Honesty

Quotes about Truth and Honesty:

There are no secrets in life, only hidden truths that lie beneath the surface.
Michael C. Hall .

Great liars are also great magicians.
Adolf Hitler .

The true mark of an educated mind is to be able to conjure new ideas from a swarm of knowledge.
Vijesh Mathew .

Fools speak many words, but have nothing to say. The wise sit humbly and quietly in comparison, for they know that there is more substance in action than in words alone.
Vijesh Mathew .

I took my morning walk, I took my evening walk, I ate something, I thought about something, I wrote something, I napped and dreamt something too, and with all that something, I still have nothing because so much of sum'things has always been and always will be you. I miss you.
Mark Z. Danielewski .

The more emotional you are, the more emotionally manipulated you shall become.
Sheila St.Charles .

Truth is the only thing that cannot be destroyed.
Vanna Bonta .

Not everyone has the title to love or be loved.
If you can love and be loved, be sure to love with all your soul.
Kazeronnie Mak .

Holiday Quotes and Sayings

Holiday Quotes and Sayings :

Rita, I am reliving the same day over and over. Groundhog Day, today.
Bill Murray .

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
Henny Youngman .

May Peace be your gift at Christmas and your blessing all year through.
Author Unknown .

For each petal on the shamrock, this brings a wish your way - Good health, good luck and happiness, for today and everyday.
Author Unknown .

never has any opinion but mine: this is what I call the
only solid foundation to build matrimonial happiness upon; and so I
have made up my mind to marry.

The most amazing gift, more than I ever bargained for, more than I would have ever given myself: I began to hear what other people heard.
Vanna Bonta .

Don't hold back and you'll hear beyond the sounds.
Vanna Bonta .

Do you hear what they hear?
Vanna Bonta .

Law and Lawyer Quotes

Law and Lawyer Quotes:

Bonta's law: Everything that could go wrong, doesn't.
Vanna Bonta .

I would rather pay a huge fine than give back to the community.
Rob McElhenney .

Try to take away my 1st amendment, you will have to deal with my 2nd.
FriendlyQuoteer .

Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future.
John F. Kennedy .

Nothing is more destructive of respect for the government and the law of the land than passing laws which cannot be enforced.
Albert Einstein .

The one great principle of English law is to make business for itself.
Charles Dickens .

There ain't a rule that ain't worth breakin
Miranda Lambert .

The very first law in advertising is to avoid the concrete promise and cultivate the delightfully vague.
Bill Cosby .

Going to trial with a lawyer who considers your whole life-style a Crime in Progress is not a happy prospect.
Hunter S. Thompson .

For time and the world do not stand still. Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or the present are certain to miss the future.
John F. Kennedy .

Communication Quotes and Sayings

Communication Quotes and Sayings:

The character of a man is known from his conversations.
Menander .

Think like a wise man but communicate in the language of the people.
William Butler Yeats ...
We have to reinvest in the idea of articulacy as a form of personal human freedom and power.
Emma Thompson .

There is the necessity to have two languages - one that you use with your mates and the other that you need in any official capacity.
Emma Thompson .

Of all of our inventions for mass communication, pictures still speak the most universally understood language.
Walt Disney .

Democratic society, in it , the highest duty of the writer, the composer, the artist, is to remain true to himself and to let the chips fall where they may.
John F. Kennedy .

Let us not allow the skin colours we cannot precisely describe divide us, for although we come in many different skin colours (that are neither truly black, white, yellow, brown etc) we are all human beings.
Kelebaone Phale .

to be a better me, so that there can be a better us
Philip Heyns .

Women's Rights Quotes

Women's Rights Quotes:

Thought has no gender.
Vanna Bonta .

I'm always rather nervous about how you talk about women who are active in politics, whether they want to be talked about as women or as politicians.
John F. Kennedy .

Women would do well to recognize those who try to degrade them in shame are projecting dirt from their own minds to diminish and control the pure power of a woman's life-giving beauty.
Vanna Bonta .

For most of history, Anonymous was a woman.
Virginia Woolf .

I know how hard it is to be a woman, especially a black woman.
Mike Tyson .

I find it much more gratifying to leave offense rather than take it.
Amy A. Bjork .

I find it much more gratifying to leave offence rather than take it.
Amy A. Bjork .

..`there is one person you will never really get over no matter how long.
isheL .

the journey to knowing better men begins with saying NO TO WOMEN ABUSE
Kelebaone Phale .

Children Quotes,Quotes about Childern,Quotes on Childern

Quotes on childern:

 A child miseducated is a child lost.
John F. Kennedy .

We have the power to make this the best generation of mankind in the history of the world or to make it the last.
John F. Kennedy .

When I see children, I see the face of God. That's why I love them so much. That's what I see.
Michael Jackson .

Everyone who knows me will know the truth, which is that my children come first in my life and that I would never harm any child.
Michael Jackson .

Because parents have power over children. They feel they have to do what their parents say. But the love of money is the root of all evil. And this is a sweet child. And to see him turn like this, this isn't him. This is not him.
Michael Jackson .

I've never owned a gun, I don't believe in 'em. When we were kids and my brothers and played Cowboys and Indians, I was always the Chinese railroad worker.
Edward Norton .

Our most basic common link is that we all inhabit this planet. We all breathe the same air. We all cherish our children's future. And we are all mortal.
John F. Kennedy .

Children show me in their playful smiles the divine in everyone. This simple goodness shines straight from their hearts and only asks to be lived.
Michael Jackson .

Everything that I love is behind those gates. We have elephants, and giraffes, and crocodiles, and every kind of tigers and lions. And - and we have bus loads of kids, who don't get to see those things. They come up sick children, and enjoy it.
Michael Jackson .

Character Quotes and Sayings

Character Quotes and Sayings:

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.
Helen Keller .

The character of a strong person is one who never dwells on the past and stays in the present. The past mindset imprisons you, the present mindset dis-imprisons.
Sheila St.Charles .

All right, they're on our left, they're on our right, they're in front of us, they're behind us...they can't get away this time.
Lewis B. "Chesty" Puller .

Positive thinking is a much derided concept, only because if it is not followed by positive action it leads to nothing.
Aaron A. Fimister .

Always remember the person who forgets you but never forget the person who remembers you.
Najam-us-Sahar Babar Janjua .

The more emotional you are, the more emotionally manipulated you shall become.
Sheila St.Charles .

People seem not to see that their opinion of the world is also a confession of their character.
Ralph Waldo Emerson .

Person who is aimless, is actually a shameless.
sandip bagal .

A heart needs only its own voice to do what is right.
Vanna Bonta .

The greatest justice in life is to be who one is.