Funny Quotes about Friends,Marriage,Work

Funny Quotes about Friends
1. A friend doesn’t go on a diet because you are fat.
Erma Bombeck

2. I don’t like to commit myself about heaven and hell – you see, I have friends in both places.
Mark Twain

3. Nine-tenths of the people were created so you would want to be with the other tenth.
Horace Walpole

4. I have three kinds of friends: those who love me, those who pay no attention to me, and those who detest me.
Nicolas De Chamfort

5. Heaven must be an awfully dull place if your best friends end up elsewhere.

6. Men kick friendship around like a football, but it doesn’t seem to crack. Women treat it like glass and it goes to pieces.
Anne Morrow Lindbergh
Funny Quotes about Marriage
1. Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad? Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.

2. Son: Is it true Dad? I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her. Father: That happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE!

3. . Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.

4. They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defense.

5. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a 10-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.

6. There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married, and now he is going through HELL. 
Funny Quotes about Work
1. Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.
Charlie McCarthy

2. Unemployment is capitalism's way of getting you to plant a garden.
Orson Scott Card

3. The average millionaire can't tell you who got thrown off the island last night.
Dave Ramsey

4. If you want to kill any idea in the world, get a committee working on it. 
Charles F. Kettering

5. Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.
Earl Nightingale

6. The world is divided into people who do things, and people who get the credit.
Dwight Morrow  

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